Halo 2: This Time It's Shiner
by appledude211
Summary: Follow Chief on this stupidly humor driven parody. Yes, the ending will still suck. Rated T for Teen for Violence, Language, and Sexual Comments, CH5 brings TEH ARBITER!
1. Chapter 1

HALO 2: This Time, It's Shinier

by appledude211

cowritten by friends at the RedvsBlue website

Disclaimer: I do not own Halo (I wish I did) or Bungie in any matter.

* * *

_Chapter 1: Middle Greedy_

The huge Covenant city of Middle Greedy floated above orbit of the remains of Halo. In the city, an Elite Ship Master was being roasted at the hands of the Prophets of See no Evil, Hear no Evil, and the leader Speak no Evil. Along with this, a mock council of Grunts and Elites watched and held signs like 'Hi Mom' or 'Jackal 3:16' and the unforgettable "PWN3D!"

"There was only one ship" said The Ship Master

"One? Are you sure?" said Speak.

"Yes, they called it...The Pillar of Autumn" replied the Ship Master.

"LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE, I read a fanfic of Halo 1, and the ship was called the Column of-" but before Hear could finish, he fell asleep

"Why was it not destroyed with the other pieces of crap called ships?"

"It fled while we set fire to the planet".

A flashback to the Ship Master setting up logs on Reach and lighting it on fire. The Covenant fleet gather round it and sing "Kum-By-Ya" while the Pillar of Autumn snuck away with their marshmellows.

"And those marshmellows were good to" said the Ship Master. "I followed with all the ships in my command".

"When you saw Halo, were you blinded by its majesty?" said Speak

"Blinded?" replied the Ship Master

"Paralyzed? Dumbstruck? Confused? Turned on?"

"No, I don't think so"

"What about Palminized?" said Hear, holding a dictionary

"What?"

"You fool" said See with a smack to the head "You can't read worth crap"

"Yet the humans were able to land on the Sacred Ring and DESICRATE IT WITH THEIR FILTHY RED BULL DRINKS!" said See

"My Lord, surely the Paras-" before the Ship Master could finish, a murmur erupted in the Roast audience. "HEY! I'M TRYING TO SPEAK HERE DAMMIT!" yelled The Ship Master.

"My Lord" a Elite Roastee said, "Can we get to the matter of discussing the problem with the Grunt latrines on our ships? We had another fatality because of the contamination".

Speak took out a Diamond plated, Jewel encrusted, Plasma Pistol and shot the Elite with a Charged Shot. The Brutes, who were eating nothing but crappy popcorn, enveloped on the remains and ate it with vicious forking and spooning.

"ENOUGH!" yelled Speak who obviously had sand in his vagina and could not hear his whiny cohorts complaining and eating dead bodies. "You were right to mention The Flood, but this Demon, this Maste-".

Before he could finish, a Grunt yelled "DEMON, GET EM OUTTA MY HEAD!" and ran for the exit. Two Elite Honor Guards bashed him with those...uh...Honor Staffs (hehe). The Brutes, who were still hungery, raced to the corpse and devoured it in a sloppy light blue mess.

"By the time I learned of the Demon's intent, I was too drunk, there was nothing I could do". replied The Ship Master, who still remembered that dreadful frat party on the Truth and Reconciliation. The Mime Strippers and Midget Sadists were still haunting him.

"Speak" said See, "The Roast is getting impatient, and I have to take a big wet dump right now. Make an example of this burger".

"You mean Bungler right?"

"Ok, Your fleet has given us victory after victory, you are a sexy fleet commander, but your failure to protect Halo was a collos...colsol...cooasl...ah screw it, you fucked up" said Speak

"NAY! IT WAS HERSHEY!" said an Elite N00B. Speak took out his pimped out Plasma Pistol and ended the N00B's days of "1337ness". I need not to explain what the Brutes did next.

"I will continue my campaign against the humans" replied Ship Master

"No you won't"

"Yea huh"

"Nuh Uh"

"Yea huh"

"Nuh Uh"

"What are you gonna do about it?"

Tartarus and two other Brutes walked behind the Ship Master and looked at him with hungery looking eyes.

"Aw crapfuck"

"Soon the Great Road Trip shall begin, and you're gonna get left behind so NAH!" said Speak

The Ship Master led away from the Roast, knowing that he WOULD go on that Road Trip, even if he had to hide in the trunk of the family car.

* * *

The Big Giant Gun Named After An Island floated in orbit above the Planet Earth. Inside, Master Chief was getting debriefed by an R Lee Ermy reject.

"Do you know how much this equipment costs?" said RLE Reject "blahblah...Armor dented...blahblah...pregnancy scanner busted...blahblah...visor cracked...blahblah"

Chief put on his helmet and responded "Tell that to the Covenant, because I don't care, nor will I ever will".

"Suit yourself, this is a new MarkVI suit, got some new nifty features in there for you".

"Like what?"

"No more Health Bar"

"NO! THOSE BARS WERE SO CUTE!" yelled Chief with a whiny tone.

"Uh, ok, ANYWAYS, there's only shields and its a pain in the ass on Legendary" said RLE Reject

"Thats supposed to be a good thing?"

"Yep, and look! All the texture is shiny"

"Ooooooooo, pretty" said Chief with a trance-like stare. Just then SGT Johnson comes in in a nice white Pimp suit.

"You done with my boy Master Gunns? I dont see no training wheels"

"I can put them on there if you want"

"PLEASE JOHNSON!" yelled Chief with excitement

"No, now lets go, we're late" said Johnson

Johnson and Chief ride the elevator and through a tram to the enternce to the Bat Cave...wait, wrong fic, to the Bridge where Admiral Hood was waiting. MTV cameras were everywhere.

"You told me there wouldn't be any cameras, I feel so naked" said Chief

"YOU told me you were gonna look nice" replied Johnson

"FINE" said Chief and put on a little bowtie.

The duo appeared in the bridge where Admiral Hood and a bunch of people no one cared about were. Hood approached the two with open arms

"Kuwabara, Kuwabara" said Hood and grabbed Chief's crotch.

"Sir, I can't feel anything down there anymore".

"Oh sorry, wrong game, ANYWAYS, lets make this ceromony quicker than two dogs humping. Cortana, any updates?" said Hood.

"Another whisper said 'Call this number for a good time' nothing more". said Cortana

Cortana looked at the Chief and said "You look nice".

"Shut up" said both Chief and Johnson.

"SGT Johnson, you've been awarded the Colonial Cross for valant bravery in the face of combat, and a sweet ass".

"What!"

"Just take the damn medal"

* * *

Back at Middle Greedy, The Ship Master was being ready to be branded for bring the asshole heretic that he was percieved

"You've drawn quite a crowd: said Tartarus.

"If they came to see me beg, they'll be dissapointed" replied the Ship Master

"Are you sure?" said Tartarus

"BEG BEG BEG BEG BEG BEG BEG BEG BEG BEG BEG" yelled a group of Grunts in unison

"Crap" The Ship Master sighed

* * *

Back on Earth...or above it

"Commander Miranda Keyes, your father was an extrodonary man, an intelligent leader, and a good massager" said Hood with a hint of pervertness

"What was that last one?" said Keyes.

"Uhhh...intelligent leader?"

* * *

Back at Middle Greedy, Ship Master was hanging naked in front of a large crowd...embarrasing, don't ya think?

"There can be no greater heresy...than to have this sequel end in such suckiness" bellowed Tartarus.

"Swingy Swingy" said the Ship Master as Tartarus prepared to brand him with a...symbol...thing.

"Hahaha" laughed Tartarus

"What so funny? At least mine is bigger" replied The Ship Master.

When people say stuff like that to Tartarus, bad things happen...in Ship Master's case...having a huge metal rod, on fire, being pressed on your chest.

* * *

Suddenly, Cortana, who was being the smart-ass bitch that she was, interupted.

"Slipspace ruptures coming from thata way" said Cortana

"Show me, I WANNA SEE!" replied Hood

"I count alotta Capital Covenant ships, we're screwed" said Cortana

"_This is Admiral Harper, we're engaging the enemy and gonna get our asses kicked_"

"Negative Admiral, you will get your asses kicked while defending these pussys called Marines".

This provoked alot of gun clicks and laser sights from the crowd.

"Uh...I mean, Master Chief, defend this station".

"Yes Sir!" said Chief. He looks at Johnson and says "I need a weapon".

"Sucks to be you" he replied.

* * *

Well, theres the introduction for ya, I promise I'll get my other fic updated as soon as possible and update this one soon too. Hope this is anything funny. PLEASE REVIEW! 


	2. CarRadio Station

**Thanks for the reviews everyone! Sorry for the long update guys, I had to replay the game to make sure I have the story written down and making drafts for the other chapters. I've been working on the final draft of this chapter for 5 days, I hope it was worth while...**

**Anyways, here's Chapter 1...or 2...or whatever, just review.**

**Chapter 1**

**Car-Radio Station**

After unsucessfully trying to get a weapon from mean ol' SGT Johnson, Chief ran down the stairs out of the bridge and found a conviently placed weapons locker which had a Battle Rifle and two SMG's.

"What the hell is this?" said Chief, picking up the Battle Rifle in disgust.

"Thats the weapon that replaces the Assault Rifle" said Marine #1, "It only fires three-round bursts and you cant carry as much ammo as you could do with the Assault Rifle".

"I want my Assault rifle back" whined Chief and slung the Rifle over his shoulder and picked up the two SMG's.

"Wait" said Chief and looked at his SMG's "I'm carrying them with...two hands" Chief screamed with joy about his new found ability to dual-wield weapons and there was much rejoicing. He quickly skipped into a lobby where a group of Marines were waiting for Death to come out the door and take them all away to THE PIT FROM WHENCE THEY CAME!11

"Hiya Chief!"

"Shut up and get in front of me so my new shiny armor won't get dirty". came the response.

"Why not just take cover?" said a Marine.

"Because I follow JARFMAN, GOD OF ILLAMA". said Chief as he clenched his fist in the air

"What in the Nine Rings of Hell?" said a Marine who had the oo look on his face

But before the Spartan could explain the religion of Jarf, a knock came on the door.

"Who is it?" said a Marine.

"UPS"

The Marine, who had to take the GED test 50 times to pass, opened the door and was immediatly shot in the face with...A SEARING HOT BURST FROM A PLASMA RIFLE! 2 Elites, 3 Jackals, and 6 Grunts ran in and proceeded to sing the following...

"_SURPRISE! Happy Birthday to you..._"

But before they could finish, Chief released all of his pent up sexual frustration and mercilisly slaughtered the Covenant in a volley of SMG rounds.

"OMG LIKE TH1S 1S S0 LAM3! YOU HAX!" said an Elite before Chief proceeded to crack his skull in two with the Battle Rifle.

Chief trolled through the halls, killing any Covies in sight. He approached a staircase where a Grunt was manning a small Plasma Turret. On the side it said "Fisher Price".

"Haha, that is so god damn lame for the Covenant to resort to using toddler weaponry. Mattel owns". said Chief, patting his suit, where the Mattel logo was seen.

"F YOU DEMON, DIIIIIIIE!" yelled a Grunt and fired on the Chief, who just stood there.

"Oh wow, it hurts, the pain, the horrible, miserable pain" said Chief and walked up to the Grunt, unscrewed his methane breather, and tape his hands together. He watched the little turd squirm and jump until it was dead, then he moved out. He then proceeded to head to the hangar where he heard gunshots. And when MC hears gunshots, there's sure to be a another Boston Massacre about.

As the Chief appeared, the Marines were on top of a balcony firing on the Covenant below. A Marine was manning a machine gun turret and saw Chief

"Hey Chief!"

But the Marine didn't get "Hello fellow comrade", instead he got shoved off the balcony where he was eaten alive by plasma grenades.

"My turn to use the turret" said Chief, and proceeded to massacre the Covies like Stalin machine gunning political enemies and Jews. After all of the Covenant were dead, Chief ran down the hallways and walked into another hangar where he saw a window depicting the space battle.

"Wow" said Chief "There's everything here but the kitchen sink"

He spoke too soon. A floating UNSC Coast Guard Kitchen Sink joined the fray. It was quickly blown up since…well…come on dumbass, kitchen sinks have no weapons.

"Coast Guard shouldn't have cut their budget for fishing rods". said Chief as he turned his attention to the Malta Station. He was in surprise when he saw the Covenant dropships run away from the station.

"Damn, those retard Marines CAN win a battle".

Just then, the station blew up in a supernova of…stuff.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA, LOLLERSK8TZ, ROFFL MY WAFFLE, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

As Chief was laughing his ass off like an asshole, a lone Grunt appeared

"Hey! They're your comrades for god's sake! You should be crying for them" the Grunt squeaked.

"THE. CHIEF. DON'T. **CRY.**" and Chief punched his face in. SO HARD in fact, the Grunt didn't die, he was teleported to a week earlier where he was ridiculed for his horrible, punched in, face.

"This is bad, real bad!" said a Marine.

"No shit dumbass, we need to get moving"

As the Chief and his Motley Crue of Marines plundered throught the Car-Radio Station, they witnessed the other station, Athens, blow up in another supernova.

"Damn dude, this isn't fair" said a Marine Corporal.

"WAR ISNT MEANT TO BE FAIR PUSSY!" yelled SGT Johnson, and proceeded to beat the Marine with a whip and cane. As this punishment was carried out, Cortana began her daily bitching.

"Admiral, The Covenant have broken through. They have a bomb!"

"OH NOES, WESA IN BIG DOO DOO THIS TIME!" said the Admiral

"Admiral, calm your ass down"

"CAN YOUSA DEFUSES IT!"

"Uhhh, yeah, for god's sake, Im a fucking AI"

"OKEY DOKIE" yelled the Admiral and signed off

"Wow, this is worse than that time he spent all of the Sailor's College money on that medival catapult". said Chief.

"Right, anyways, WE NEED TO GET TO THAT BOMB" yelled Cortana.

"Jesus woman! You're worse than the Admiral".

As Chief and the bitchy AI went through the halls they came across an airlock that led to the outside of the station.

"We need to go out there" said Cortana.

"Like I didn't know that". said Chief and walked out to find three Elites in jetpacks outside.

"HAHA, We've come to kill you Demon!" said an Elite

"Wait wait, if you're in space, how can you guys breath?" asked Chief

The Elite pondered on that, but before he could answer, his head exploded by the pressure in the vacuum of space.

"Gee, I wonder why they're called Elites" said Chief sarcastically and went on to the other side.

As he got back into the station, killed some bugs on a big elevator thing, and murdered innocent Covenant, he came across the bomb.

"There's quite a few Elites in there" said Cortana.

"There's two Elites and 20 Grunts" corrected MC.

"SHUT UP, IM THE SMARTEST AI IN THE GALAXY AND IM ALWAYS RIGHT SO YOU BETTER NOT CORRECT ME AGAIN YOU WHINY BITCH!"

Well this provoked a lot of Plasma Fire from the Covenant in the room. Chief dodged the Plasma and threw a Plasma Grenade at an Elite. It stuck onto his face.

"Crapfuck" said the Elite and ran to the other Elite and hugged him. I can guess you readers know what happens.

"Wow, that is the most retarded move I've ever seen" said Chief as he plundered through the Grunts.

"PLEASE DEMON, DON'T KILL ME, IM A 40yr OLD VIRGIN!"

"Dude, that's just sad….so sad I need to put you out of your misery" and Chief did just that.

Chief approached the bomb which looked like a purple turd with spikes on it.

"ME, INSIDE YOUR HEAD, NOW!" yelled the bitch….I mean Cortana

"God woman, do you have PMS now?" asked Chief.

"I don't think AI's can have PMS" replied Cortana

"Not in your case" said Chief as he went into the radio network to see what was goin on.

"Admiral, this is Keyes, Im heading after that Carrier"

"OH HELL NO BITCH, YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE" yelled the Admiral in a gangster tone.

"Admiral, permission to leave the ship" asked Chief

"FOR WHAT NIGGA?"

"To give the Covenant back their bomb…and to see if I dropped my wallet on the starboard side of the station".

"OK HOMIE, YOU DO THAT, I GOT BITCHES COMIN OVER"

"Are you sure it isn't a K-Mart magazine this time?"

"F YOU CRACKA" and the Admiral signed off.

Chief turned off his com in surprise.

"Do you have a feeling the Admiral has a thing for changing personalities?" Chief asked Cortana.

"You obviously haven't slept with him….oops, I mean".

The Chief just opened the door to the hangar so he could end this horror. Realizing he still needed to finish this game, Chief grabbed the bomb and shot out the door into space.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Chief approached the carrier and dropped the bomb into the carrier.

"HAPPY NEW YEARS!"

Back on the Covenant Carrier

"Harhar, this Human TV humors me" said an Elite Ship Master.

"Uh sir" said a Grunt "We have a bomb in this ship".

"QUIET PEASANT! IM WATCHING FAMILY GUY" then the Ship Master realized what the Grunt said "Oh son of a-"

**BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!**

Chief flew like a bird after the shockwave of the explosion hit him and sent him sailing towards the In Amber Clad. He hit the ship so hard, his fingernails were left imprinted into the hull

"For a brick, he flew pretty good" said Johnson "But I can do better"

"Nuh Uh"

"Yea Huh"

"Nuh Uh"

"Yea Huh"

"Ugh….men" said Keyes. "Ok, we're trailing the other carrier into Earth so we can kill them" said Keyes.

"Wow, what a basic sentence" said Cortana.

"SHUT UP" yelled everyone on this ship.

"I just want to be loved" said Cortana sadly.

"Cortana, I don't think ANYONE loves you"

"I love me"

"OH NOES, RVB PARODY, ROOSTERTEETH IS GONNA SUE YOUR ASSES" said Greased Up Deaf Guy and ran away.

Well this is Chapter 1 or 2 or wtf ever. Sorry for the long update, I'll update more faster if I can

TILL NEXT TIME!


	3. Inskirts

**CHAPTER 2**

**Inskirts**

So after a mass slaughter of Covenant on the Car-Radio station. Chief, The bitch Cortana, Johnson, Miranda Keyes, and some Marines headed down the city in 3 Pelican Dropships.

"The message just repeats: See, See, See" said the ever observant Cortana.

"Catchy, like that My Chemical Romance song..." said Keyes.

"THEY SUCK" yelled Johnson.

"Dont yell at me, Im very sensitive".

"I dont give a damn woman"

"WAH! I GO CUT MY WRISTS NOW!"

With that, Keyes ran away and went into Emo form. The results were actually quite amusing.

"Ooooook, anyone knows what that message means?"

"...They have a blind leader?" said Chief.

"That doesnt even make any sense you dumbass. Its the name of a prophet". replied Cortana.

"Miss Cleo?"

"Ugh, Im not going to even argue"

As the trio of birds flew past the city, a pair of Marines, who were too pussy to be in the frontline and decided to lay on a roof, observed the Covie forces and decided that they should "save some lives".

"Grid Kilo 3 is hot Sarge, recommend mission abort".

"MARINES DONT ABORT PUSSY!"

With that, Johnson jumped out of the Pelican, landed on the roof, beat the living hell out of the pussywillows, impaled their corpses, sold them on Ebay, and somehow jumped back onto the Pelican.

"Beat that Chief".

But considering the fact that all Marines on Halo are DUMB DUMB, the pilots got lost.

"Shit, does anyone have a map?"

"Why do you need a map for a damn Pelican? YOU HAVE ME!" yelled Cortana.

"But its illegal for woman to give directions in Africa, so blow off".

After going in circles for an hour, the retard pilots managed to get back on track...only to find a big ass Scarab shooting at them.

"We should've taken a left instead!" screamed a pilot as the Pelican fell to its doom...

* * *

"Ugh...man what a hangover" said Chief as he was recovering from the crash. "Next time I'm taking the bus".

As Chief was regaining his bearings, he was amazed that 3 Marines survived the crash...considering that the damn Pelican got microwaved by plasma and turned over on its top and dragged for a mile on concrete and stone. 'Bungie and their illogical physics' thoguth Chief.

"Shake it off Marines, clear the crash site!"

Chief went into a building and ran down a flight of stairs to see a Grunt walking casually up his direction.

"ZOMG ITS TEH DEMON!"

But before the Grunt could get into 1337 mode, Chief bashed his head in with his fist. He continued on to see two more Grunts walking his same direction. He pulled out his Crap Rifle...I mean Battle Rifle, and shot both in the head. This alerted the other Covenant in the area, hell anyone would've when they hear two squeals and six gunshots at the same time. Hell, I'd piss my pants...err...right, moving on...

"Rarr!" An Elite said, "I am Hilary Clintonee, from the Five Sun tribe, prepare to get dead!"

The Elite was interrupted when Chief SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD. The Elite's last thing that went through his mind, besides the bullet of course, was "Damnit, I knew I shouldn't have used Energizer batteries for my energy sheild".

"Chief, we need to hold this position until a Pelican can pick us up" said Marine #3

"Whatever, just give me that SMG".

"No"

Now when you deny stuff to Chief, whether its weapons, sex, money, or anything of that like, you're bound to get a lake full of lead in you, or more. So Chief picked up a Shotgun (somehow since none are on this level) aimed for Marine #3's Face, and pulled the Trigger.

"You know you could've just pressed X" said Marine #4

"X button is for pussys"

Just then, a whole flight of Drones flew over the roof and started to pesk the Chief. Bullets couldnt kill them, so Chief brought out his secret weapon...

"We cant kill these bastards!" whined Marine #5 as he fired at nothing.

"Nope" said Chief, "but THIS can!"

Chief pulled out an Extra Large Rapid Fire RAID out of his ass and proceeded to gas the Drones like as if he was the SS and the Drones were Jews.

_"Cough cough, I havent finished my pile of dung yet back home! Damn you God" _said a dying Drone

After the extermination of the Jew...I mean Drones...The Marines, Johnson and Chief proceeded with their Master Plan.

And so after executing the Covies in an elegont fashion, A Pelican appeared in the sky. Although the place was big enough for the Pelican to land, the Pilot was to scared, and decided to save his own ass.

"I cant land here Chief, but theres a clearing around your position where I can pick you guys up".

"Whatever" said Johnson, "Someone get a satchel on that gate!"

But they didnt need a satchel for that gate, for two Hunters barged through like your drunk in laws at Christmas

"AHAHAHA, We've come to kill you Demon" said Hunter #1.

Chief laughed. As Hunter #1 lunged at him, he ducked, turned around behind the Hunter, and fired at his orange flesh. Problem was, Bungie are idiots and decided to take out the fun aspects of Hunters from Halo 1, so the Hunter was completely unharmed.

"Haha, that trick no worky anymore" said Hunter #2.

Just then, two sniper rounds impacted both of the Hunters and they...died...what did you think would happen? A fucking confetti parade? Johnson dont do that crap. Give him Bitches, guns, and people to kill, and he's happy for the weekend. Notice I said WEEKEND.

"But this trick works well" said Johnson, holding a Sniper Rifle in his hands.

Chief and Johnson went through the alleys of New Mombasa and soon they came across Jackals...with Beam Rifles. A Jackal with such a weapon fired at the Chief. The beam impacted the Chief, making his eyes water. Another round impacted him, and sweat started to trickle down his forehead. But before another round got him, Chief picked up some Rifle casings, threw them at the Jackal Snipers, killing them...somehow.

So the Chief plundered through the alleys, killing Covenant and giving small Plasma Pistols to the needy kids. Yeah, Chief is a charitible person, surprised? He then came across Hotel Zanzibar, where they held weekly Covenant torture and exectution every Friday Night.

"Hey Chief, the crash site is just behind this hotel, follow me" said Marine #6.

Soon after the Marine was killed by a Needler round. A Grunt with a Needler took cover behind a wall.

"Come on, Needlers are so damn weak. Hey Grunt! Shoot all of the needles you have at me!"

The Grunt did that, and the Needles bounced off Chief, and went straight back at the Grunt's face. How? Because Chief is badass. Why? Because he is the Messiah.

After that, Chief went through the Hotel, went out the back, and found a new arch enemy, The Phantom Dropship.

"HAHAHA! You cannot destroy me Demon, I AM INVINCIBLE!"

But because Bungie always does something that doesnt make sense, Chief blew up the Phantom's Gun turrets, rendering the phantom almost harmless.

"BAH! Cheap Game Physics, but I'll give birth to my children, and they will kill you!"

The Phantom let loose six Elites and 20 Grunts. However this was no challenge for the Chief, as he threw a plasma grenade at the crowd. It stuck on two of the Elites, yes, AT THE SAME TIME.

After they were consumed by a flash of Blue light, the rest of the Covenant committed suicide. Why? Well the grenade sticks to any fleshy thing, but two? at the same time? It was an amazing feat, and made even the Hunter crap his pants...though I dont know how they crap.

"BLAST!" said the Phantom, "I'll get you next time! BUWHAHHAHAHAHA!" and he flew off.

Chief then jumped down to the street to find two Marines and a Warthog.

"Hey Chief!" said Marine #7 "Special Ed actually does work! We now know how to drive!"

"Thank God" said Chief, and manned the Chaingun turret in the back.

The trio drove through the sandy beaches, stained it with Blue, Orange, and Purple blood for artistic value, littered the bodies for vegetation, and blew up the ground for irrigation. See? Chief cares.

As the trio entered the tunnel, the driver got pulled over by UNSC Police for DUI.

"This isnt fair!" said Marine #8 in a slight drunk tone, "I want my rights!"

"This is Africa, you have no rights!" replied the Policeman.

So Chief had to walk the rest of the way until he found a Ghost. He found one just nearby a pair of Grunts, and thought about his plan of attack. So he charged at them, spraying bullets around, yelling "I NEED BISCUITS I NEED BISCUITS!". The Grunts, who are terrifyed of everything, including cute puppies and dumb slutty blondes, crapped their...uh...lower armor area, and ran. Chief got into the Ghost, and 'Born to be Wild' started to play.

"American Chopper, eat me"

Chief raced through the tunnels, running over any Covie that got in the way. On the way however, he got jacked by and Elite.

"HAR HAR!" said the Elite, "I have stolen your vehicle, now you shall face the wrath of-".

Since the Elites have a tendency to make a long State of the Union address before attacking the Chief. MC threw a Plasma grenade at the Elites face.

"Damnit! I only came to Earth to see how well the food is. Wait till I fill out this "How was the service?" card".

The Elite took out a pen, forgetting he had a freaking PLASMA GRENADE ON HIS FACE, and blew up. Chief got his Ghost back and continued his rampage when the bitch Cortana finally broke her silence in this chapter...and thats a bad thing.

"Interesting" said Cortana, "The Covenant didnt expect we were here".

"Of course you dumbass, they never expect me to be here."

"No idiot, I mean humanity. They didnt expect humanity to be here on Earth".

"Well arent they a bunch of Crackerjacks".

While Chief was 'headin on the highway', he came across a convoy of Covenant transports. 'Easy pickings' he thought. He came along side a transport where the Elite driver could see him.

"Hey! Demon! Can you give me directions to 1734 North Ivring street?"

"Uhhh, do you have Onstar?"

"Yeah, hang on"

The Elite pressed on the Onstar button but before the Elite could say where he was going, MC shot him in the head. As Chief continued in his Ghost, he could hear the Onstar lady scream: "_Come on Snake! Stop Kidding! Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"_

Chief continued onward, and found a light at the end of the tunnel...but in his path was a Gold Elite.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Bellowed the Gold Elite.

But the attempt to become the glorious killer of the Demon failed. Chief passed the Elite and smashed his elbow into the Elite's spine. He then picked up the Elite and threw it into a recycle bin.

"Ah the joys of cleaning the enviroment".

Chief then ran towards the light...and got hit by a Ford Explorer...KIDDING.

Well thats the new chapter guys, sry if its not as funny or short, but Im doin my best! PLEASE REVIEW!


	4. MetroIhatemakingwittytitlespolis

_**Chapter 4**_

_**Metro-god I hate trying to make up witty chapter titles-polis**_

**Hey everybody! Im submitting this along with the Third Chapter, so rejoice!**

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After his drive through New Mombasa's tunnels, Chief walked out, looking badass, to see a huge Scarab that just blew through the Marine defenses and marched across a ridiculously long bridge. Seriously, why does that bridge need to be that long? Sure its a fun part of the game but goddamnit, Bungie do not have a link with reality when they WORK. Anyways, Chief walked up to a pair of Marines taking cover.

"It blew right through us!" said a Female Latina Marine. "50 Cal. Rockets, didnt do a thing".

"Gee, maybe because its...a walking battle tank, dont ya think?" said Chief. Just then, Marty O Donnell of Bungie came down and yelled at Chief.

"ITS NOT A TANK, ITS A DIGGER, WHICH MEANS IF A DIGGER IS HERE, IT MUST MEAN THAT THE COVENANT ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ON EARTH".

"Shut up" said Chief "You have no idea where the script is".

"YES I DO, ITS RIGHT..." Donnell then rumaged in his pocket where the script should be but found that the pocket was empty. "BLAST IT BILL GATES YOU STOLE IT AGAIN!" and ran off, not knowing that Chief stole the script when he was passed out at the Halo 2 celebration party and gave it to me so I can CHANGE IT INTO WHAT I WANT IT TO BE. Soon after, a Pelican came down with a Scorpion MBT and dropped it in front of the trio and SGT Johnson came out, jumped on the tank, and jumped off on the ground like a badass.

"Wheres the rest of your platoon?' asked Johnson, not seeing any of the dead bodies everywhere where the Scarab was.

"Wasted Sarge" said Latina Marine. Just then the pussy David Cross had to join the Marine Corp and be a pussy in the military. "And we will too sir, if we dont get the hell outta here!" whined David.

"You hit Marine?" asked Johnson. "No sir" replied David.

Upon hearing 'No', Johnson shot him in the Groin with his Magnum. "Now you're hit" he said "You had a chance to be a pussy BEFORE you joined my beloved Corps. Yes, you were funny, but I HATE COMEDIANS IN MY CORPS, so I brought this motivational device" and pointed at the tank. "Our BIG GREEN STYLE CANNOT BE DEFEATED!".

"What about that Scarab?"

"DO NOT QUESTION OUR WAY OF DOING THINGS WITH BIG GREEN THINGS MARINE!" and with that Johnson boarded the Pelican.

"Thanks for the Tank" said Cortana, "HE never gets me anything".

"I didnt bring the tank for you, I brought it for Chief, you dumb chickenhead" and flew off with the Pelican. Chief now had time to do his favorite thing...blow up crap and more crap. He boarded the tank and moved on through the big ass bridge. Upon going, he was attacked by wave and waves of Ghosts.

"MUST. CHARGE. HOPLESSLY. INTO. TANK." said an Elite who led the charge. Chief brought up the tank's gun, and blew them all away. But soon, more and more Ghosts came, with the same tactic: Charge tank that can kill us all and hopelessly shoot at it with wimpy Plasma guns while we die.

After midway through the bridge, Chief came across the Covenant equal to the Scorpion...The Wraith. As soon as the Scorpion came into range, the Elite poked his head out. "BAH! You puny humans will die by my SLOW FALLING PLASMA!" it said, and fired a big Plasma blob in the sky. After 10 minutes of watching, oo'ing, aw'ing and a small picinic, the Plasma finally fell behind the Chief. "BLAST IT!" yelled the Elite "I WILL AVENGE MY PLASMA!" and charged into the Scorpion at a slow, painful speed. Chief brought up the turret, took aim, and fired a shell into the Wraith, blowing it up, and the Elite, off the Bridge. As Chief drove by the wreckage, he could faintly hear the words: "DAAAAAAAAMMMMMN YOOOOOOOUUUUU DEEEEEMOOOOOOON!".

Soon, Chief arrived at the end of the bridge, and found two Banshees hovering overhead. Being the smart one, Chief acted like he didnt even see them. The Banshees, because they're idiots and Bungie are more idiotic than they are, they dove right down towards the tank. One of the Elite pilots was like on of those little bastards you find on Xbox LIVE that keep saying the following words when they're about to get a kill: "OMG OMG OMG I GOT U TRAPPED, YOU GONNA DIE IM GONNA KILL U IM GONNA KILL U YES YES YES YES YES!". Soon though, The Chief turned his turret up towards the Banshee slowly. The Elite reacted: "OMG NO NO NO NO NO NO I HAVE YOU DAMNIT NO NO I HAVE YOU!". Chief took aim, and launched a single shell into the Banshee, killing the Elite. "GODDAMNIT PIECE OF _bleep blep bleep bleeeeeeeeeeeeep blepity blepity bleeeeeeeep_". The shell then turned around and hit the other Banshee. How? Because Chief is God.

So Chief had to abandon his beloved Tank so he could finish the level, but not without some crying, kissing, some stuff that I cant put in for a PG13 fic, and goodbyes. Chief went into the tunnels again and found a Grunt hiding behind a car with an Elite at its side. The Elite saw the Chief and warned the Grunt. "Yapit! Its the Demon!".

But the Grunt replied, "He cant see me! I cant see him!". Upon hearing a part of the Red vs Blue script, Chief went into a frenzy and slaughtered the Grunt with his SMG. He turned to the Elite and screamed his warcry: "ROOSTERTEETH WILL PAY MY COPYRIGHT!". The Elite could only say: "I...am...so...screwed".

So after Chief calmed down, he approached a huge barrier where two marines were fighting their way into. They soon died because...THEY GOT SHOT BY PLASMA. Chief climbed up the barrier, killed some Grunts with a melee attack, smashed in an Elite's head with his fist, and threw a frag near a Jackal and made it fly like a birdy. Then he pulled up his SMG and unloaded 60 rounds of pain into an Elite, which by 20 rounds the Elite was already dead but the Chief wanted to make sure he wasnt going to come back as a zombie. MC climbed up through a sewer tunnel and went outside to find a Jackal with a Beam Rifle.

"Gee, I hope no supersoldier or demon is behind me and smashes my spine in" said the Jackal. But God hates Jackals, so MC smashed the Jackal's spine in and took the Beam Rifle. "Hey! A new weapon! I wonder how it handles". Chief took aim at an Elite and shot the Beam Rifle. The beam imapcted the Elite's skull, and burned out his brain matter stuff. But it seems that the Beam Rifle HAS to turn into a 500 degree oven after every shot, so Chief got his hand..uh I dont know...cooked? "GAH! THIS WEAPON IS DOODY!" said Chief and he proceeded to another area with no enemies in sight.

"Hm, I guess the Covenant really never expected me here.". As soon as MC said that, Two Ghosts appeared from my ass and attacked the Chief. Chief stood his gorund and waited until a Ghost would try to run him over. Sure enough, an Elite, who was foaming at the mouth, tried to charge him. But Chief made his move, and picked up the Ghost with one hand, like if it were a football, and threw it at the other Ghost, blowing both up in Blue light. "I should be a QB for the NFL" said Chief. Soon though, Terrell Owens appeared. "I AM TEH GREATEST EVAH! U CANOT BEET MAH SKILLZ IM TEH T.O.!".

"Shut up" said Chief, and shot him in the head with a football. IRONY! Anyways, Chief entered the city to find Three Wraiths bombing the hell out of a building. "Chief" said Cortana Bitch, "There are Marines inside that building! We need to save them!".

"Why do I ALWAYS HAVE TO BABYSIT WHEN IM HAVING FUN?" yelled Chief, and ran towards one of the Wraiths. He jumped on the Wraith and bashed the door in. "Oh hello there Demon, how are you doing today chap?" said the Elite. But Chief threw him out and took the Wraith himself. The Elite was fumed by this, and walked to the phonebooth to call the police.

"Hello Police?" said the Elite "Someone stole my Wraith!".

"Was he black?" said the Policeman.

"No".

_click_

"DAMNIT"

Going back to the Chief, who just blew up all of the Covies in a marvelous display of ass kicking. He went into the building to find a Marine SGT and a gunner on a balcony. "Hey Chief" said the SGT, "We got trouble".

Soon, The Scarab appeared and destroyed the Scorpion below with a single ray of plasma, after the Scorpion tried to make a futile attempt to kill it with a single shell...that missed. "Oh my god" said the gunner, "WE'RE DOOMED!"

"Marine, did I give you permission to bitch?" said the SGT. "No sir, but you did give me permission to steal those magazines from your locker". replied the gunner. "WHAT!" "Nothing sir".

By this time the Scarab walked over the Chief and went over to the other side of the building. "That thing is starting to PISS ME OFF!" yelled the SGT and banged his head on the concrete wall yelling "WHY WONT ANYTHING GO RIGHT? I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG I HATE LIFE I GO EMO NOW I HATE EVERYTHING WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ;DLKF;DFKDKFJDFLLDHJSDLFJKHLKSJDFHDSKLJFLDHSLKLDSJFL".

So after Chief was done laughing at the SGT like an asshole, he ran to the balcony above the Scarab where the Marines were firing at the thing with small toy cap guns. Chief grabbed a Rocket Launcher, and jumped onto the Scarab and landed on top of an Elite. There he saw a thing that would change his ways of killing innocents forever...The Energy Sword. "I. AM. GOD." said Chief as he picked up the Sword. He continued to slaughter all of the Covenant in the Scarab and made his way into the Scarab control room to see a Gold Elite with an Energy Sword also.

"Ha Demon, we must now duel, for the fate of the galaxy is at hand" said the Zealot, and ignited his Sword. Chief and the Zealot clashed, dueling with their Swords. Suddenly "Duel of The Fates" comes on and they continued on with more power. "You...are strong in the Force" said the Zealot. "Join the Dark Side". he said.

"THE DARK SIDE CAN TAKE A FUCKING BOO!" replied Chief and thrusted his sword into the Zealot. "cough cough...I shall live on in the Force...and you shall be its Martyr..." said the dying Zealot. "Ok whatever" said Chief and walked out of the Scarab that was now blowing up...somehow.

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Meanwhile back at the Covenant Carrier.

"BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, my plan is so evil right now" said The Prophet of See. "I shall light this lighter! Burn its flame on my cigar! AND BURN A PATH INTO MY TOBACCO!".

"Uh sir?" said a Grunt. "The Scarab is dead and we're all taking heavy casualties". See coughed and said "Screw this!" and pressed the Slipspace button, putting the Cruiser into Slipspace.

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Back on the surface, The Chief got back into the In Amber Clad, got shoved into a cramped steel closet for no reason, and slept. Keyes was in the bridge, trying to follow the Covenant Carrier. "Admiral! Permission to enage Covenant Carrier". "Negative sweet thighs" replied the Admiral "I need you down here for my heavy...uh I mean I'll send in 2 heavy ships to intercept".

"THERES NO TIME FOR THAT DAMNIT".

"Ok ok, green light! Sheesh these brunettes..."

Just as the In Amber Clad got in range of the Carrier, the Carrier went into Slipspace. "OH HELL NO" said Johnson "IM GONNA GET DEM NIGGAS". So Johnson pushed the "Get Dem Niggas" button and they were off to never neverland.

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Woo! I want more good reviews! 


	5. TEH ARBITER

**Chapter 5**

**Teh Arbiter**

**Well after I pounded my wall because I died for the 1,000th time on Legendary, I will now bring in TEH ARBITER!**

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It was dark. His vision was blurred and he couldnt see much. He saw himself being dragged by two Brutes down a jail. Worse, he was naked. Now if you were being dragged by two Brutes down a Jail while you have no clothes on, you would think EPAR (read backwards). But since this is PG13, that wont happen. He tried to remember his name. His brain tried to remember, but Bungie didnt give him one, so it was futile. Meanwhile, the two Brutes were complaining. "Why not toss him in with those Jackals?" said one. Three Jackals in a cell then leaped up onto the cell bars screeching "WE'RE KOO KOO FOR COCA PUFFS! GIVE US SOME DAMN COCA PUFFS!".

"Well, what about us?" asked the second Brute. "My belly aches, and his flesh is seared just the way I like it". The Ship Master shuddered, having a complement about his flesh from a Brute doesnt go to well with him...or anyone for that fact. "Quiet!" said Tarturus, who led the group. "You two whimper like Grunts fresh off the teat".

"But we're hungry..." whined a Brute. Tarturus then turned around, picked up the Brute, and threw him in with the three Jackals. "COCA PUFFS!" said the trio and enveloped on the Brute. "He's not meant for the Jails" said Tarturus. "The Hierarchs have something special in mind" he said and opened a door to the Prophet's chambers. The Ship Master then thought about it. 'The Hierarchs have something special in mind'. Was he going to be the hero for the Covenant, be forgiven by his heresy, and lead the Elites to victory?

"Nah" thought the Ship Master.

Soon Tarturus, the two Brutes, the one who miracously escaped the Three Jackal jail cell was bleeding profusely, dragged the Ship Master to the Prophets of Speak and Hear. The Prophets were talking about something that had to do with "When I was in World War 2..." but the Ship Master couldnt tell.

"Noble Prophets of Speak and Hear" said Tarturus in a kissing ass tone "I have brought the incompentent". Speak, who usually loved having his ass kissed by everyone, including Hear, was not fazed. "You may leave Tarturus". The Brute was surprised, he havent given Speak his daily foot massage or back rub yet. Why did he have to leave? Was he seeing that Ship Master? Cheating on Tarturus for that Elite? He wouldnt find out, because the author does not want this fic turned into a 2:00 afternoon soap opera dammit!

As Tartarus left, the Ship Master was on his knees, holding his chest where Tartarus roasted him. 'This is some heartburn' he thought. Then he realized that Speak was talking to him.

"The Council has decided for you to be hung by your entrails and your corpse to be paraded through out the city, but I need to finish my Master Plan, so ultimately the terms of your exectuion are up to me. I could do anything I want with you. Light you on fire, hit you with a snowplow, make you do acts of pleasure, hit you with a toy hammer, crap on my hands and throw it at you, BUT The Great Road Trip has to be fufilled!".

"Im already dead" said The Ship Master, and lied down on the floor, playing dead. "Get up" said Speak. "No Im dead" replied the Ship Master. So after 5 minutes of "Get ups" and "IM DEAD. DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD!" The Ship Master got back on his knees, finding out that The Simpsons had already done that trick.

"Do you know where we are?" asked Speak. "Uhhhh...the Smithsonian?" replied the Ship Master. "No, the masouleim of TEH ARBITER!" said Speak "Each one created and consumed by the times of crisis." Finally, Hear woke up from his 5 miniute coma and spoke, "The taming of The Hunters, The Grunt Rebellion, Ashley Simpsons lip syncing on SNL, The Clinton/Monica Lewensky scandal, The last episode of Star Wars, and the end of NYPD Blue." said Hear, "Were it not for teh Arbiters, the Covenant would've broken long ago".

"Even on my knees I am not worthy in their presence" said the Ship Master. Speak then came up to him and revealed a plot twist. "The Council was, and is, idiotic in its decisions, much like the United States Congress. We know you are no heretic", The Ship Master then thought of something. "Then why did you brand me with the Mark of Shame?" Then, Marty O Donnell jumped down and yelled "PLOT CONVIENENCE!" before The Honor Guards beat the living crap out of him.

Speak then went to his holoprojector. "THIS is the true face of heresy" and activated the holoprojector to reveal an interesting part of the Playboy channel. "Oops, wrong button" said Speak and pushed another button to reveal the Heretic Leader saying stuff about 'The Prophets are false' and 'Bush is a liar' and also 'Free Hat!'.

"That Heretic, and those who follow him, must be silenced...as in killed...as in not alive anymore...as in cutting open their flesh and letting all of the bloo-" The Ship Master interuptted "I get it" he said. "But what use am I? I can no longer command ships, lead troops into battle, shoot a gun, kill something, eat, sleep, drink".

"Not as you are, no" said Speak, "BUT become Teh Arbiter, and you will be unleashed against thus heresy with our blessing". Ship Master thought about it, then said "Do I get free health insurance?"

"Yes"

"INCLUDING Dental?"

"Yes"

Ship Master thought about it again and said "Ok, but I better not betrayed and be left to die". "Oh you wont" said Speak, crossing his fingers behind his hoverchair.

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Three Phantoms now sped towards the giant gas ball that the remains of the first Halo orbited, with the High Charity fleet behind them. In those Phantoms contained Spec Ops Elites, the ODST of the Covenant. But they're not only as stupid as the Marine AI, they have Grunts who crap themselves everytime they see a puppy. "Fun Fun" said the Arbiter. The Spec Ops commander, Half Jaw, was saying something about loyalty to the Covenant and the pledge of alliegence to the flag before approaching The Arbiter. "This Armor suits you" he said, "but it cannot hide that mark". The Arbiter looked at his chest and saw that the Arbiter's armor chest plate thingy covered it. "You can't see it though, its like a fat lady wearing a thong, you can never find it".

"Uh...right" said Half Jaw, trying to clear that image out of his head. "But anyways, you are Teh Arbiter, the will of the Prophets. But these are my retarded Elites, I can only feed them through a feeding tube. Their lives matter to me. Yours does not".

"How sweet of you, maybe you can send a box of chocolates and mail it to my ass, Im sure it'll thank you for it".

As the trio of Dropships approached the Forerunner facility, Tartarus, who accompanied the Spec Ops group for god knows why, alerted the group. "Leader! There is no doubt, the storm will strike the facility!". Half Jaw replied, "Gee, I think that all of the dust and gas blowing everywhere could've, I dont know, ANNOUNCED the storm? Jesus now I know why Katrina happened".

Soon, the Phantoms unloaded their Elites and Grunts and The Arbiter onto the facility. The Arbiter soon ignited an Energy Sword and was pleased. But he was soon sad when Bungie put a battery on a friggin Sword. Arbiter checked his Plasma Rifle, and decided to switch it for a Grunt's Fuel Rod Cannon. As he did this, the Grunt got all pissed and said "Ohh, me Arbiter, me greedy bitch!". Arbiter punted the Grunt off the facility, because no one calls a kiss ass of the Prophets a greedy bitch.

The Elites infiltrated the Facility's entrance, and hacked a door. "Engage Active Camoflage! Reveal yourselfs only after the Arbiter has joined the battle with the enemy or if one of the Grunts craps themselves again." Soon all of the Spec Ops group dissappeared and ran out of the door outside. The Arbiter shrugged, he could take on Chuck Norris and win.

He activated his Camo and stepped in to see a Heretic Elite walking by with a Carbine. Arbiter snuck behind him, yelled "PEEK A BOO, I SEE YOU!", and smashed the Elites neck/spine area. He picked up the Carbine, tested it out on some sleeping Grunts and said "I will call you...Sara".

The Arbiter arrived at the hangar with a big Serpath Fighter in it. Along the way, two Spec Ops Elites accompanied him down the elevator to the hangar. "Sentenials! The Holy Warriors of the Sacred Rings!" said an Elite, "Why have they sided with these Heretics?".

"Gee, maybe its because the Sentinals aren't holy and that they're AI constructs programmed to contain the Parasite and that they know what Halo's true purpose is". But the Elites didn't listen, as the Sentinals...TURNED THEM INTO A MELTING PIECE OF...uh...MELTING PIECE OF STUFF.

So The Arbiter plundered through the Facility, killing Elites, Grunts, and Sentinals. He picked up a Sentinal Beam and fired it at an Elite, who obivously could not avoid a beam of light that sears off the flesh like skinning a turkey because he was dicking around with an Nintendo DS. Fucking Nintendo, with their shit Gamecube. Arbiter continued on with his Carbine and Sword, and got to a sort of landing area for Banshees. There he found the Heretic Leader. Arbiter knocked on the glass, called him obscene names, and flicked him off, but he didn't see Arbiter, he just got into a Banshee and flew off, leaving alot of Elites and Grunts to deal with.

"The Arbiter! You are a perfect example of how people are blinded by organized religion and Brad/Angelina's pregancy shit that no one cares about except people who will to be Celebritiy's bitches! We shall reveal the truth to this entire plot and why Bungie are idiots for making this sequel such suckiness!".

The Arbiter, however, does not like long speeches. This isnt MGS, this is Halo! So Arbiter threw a Plasma Grenade while the Elite was talking and flew off in a Banshee. The Elite finished his speech, but didn't see the Arbiter. He did see a shiny blue light on his arm. "Ooo, pretty!" he said, and attempted to wear it as a necklace before it BLEW UP.

Now the Arbiter flew around in a Banshee, waiting for the Top Gun theme to come on, when he suddenly noticed the Phantom come in. Tartarus looked at the Banshee, and considered to ram it. he decided not to, since he wanted Speak to love him again. Tartarus started to drool over the thought of it, leaving Seventy Heretic Banshees chasing the Arbiter. Arbiter now had Seventy Enemy Aircraft and little Grunts with Fuel Rods. The Grunts saw the Banshee, and their command yelled "FIRE!" All Seven Grunts fired their fuel rods, only to have the Fuel Rod...energy...things...fall down on them. DOH!

Arbiter soon thought: "This Banshee is bull crap!". So the author broke the barrier between Halo and Star Wars, stole an X-Wing from Luke Skywalker, and gave it to Arbiter. The Arbiter was now in joy as he blew the shit out of every single Banshee in the level. One Banshee, however, was still flying. The pilot thought that a death by laser bolts and flame was too much. So he yelled "KAMAKAZE!" and crashed his Banshee into a wall.

After he landed his X-Wing, Arbiter soon purged the platform of all Grunts with no mercy. He slaped a Grunt, killing it instantly. He poked another Grunt in the ribs, breaking its rib cage and penetrating its lungs. Arbiter then broke a Grunt's back by rubbing it's spine. Arbiter enjoyed killing Grunts, but he couldn't do that for too long. Bungie had other plans. They were TAKING OVER THE WORLD BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Uh...anyways...

Soon, the Arbiter headed to the door of the game's next level. He had a feeling that this one had an elevator full of enemies. 'Dammit Bungie! Make the levels more better!". But his plea fell on deaf hears, because the guys at Bungie CAN'T HEAR A GODDAMN WORD HALO FANS SAY.

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That is all. Stay tuned for TEH ORACLE! 


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